Understanding Grief
Grief is something every single person experiences at some point in life, though that doesn't make it any easier or digestible. Most people think of grief as something that only happens after a loved one dies, but the reality is that grief can come from many different kinds of loss. It can appear after a breakup, losing a job, moving away from home, receiving a heartbreaking diagnosis, or even letting go of the life you once had or thought you would have. Because grief looks different for everyone, there isn't a "right" way to feel or experience it. Some people may cry or grieve outwardly and join a support group or talk to friends, while others feel numb, keep themselves busy, or isolate themselves. All of these reactions can be a normal part of grieving.
There are several different types of grief, and understanding them can help people make sense of what they're feeling, as well as find ways to move through the pain towards healing.
Anticipatory grief happens before a loss occurs, like when someone is caring for a loved one with a terminal illness. Instead of grieving only after the loss, people may begin processing the emotions beforehand. It might look like beginning to grieve when you know you have a limited amount of time with someone, when you feel a major change coming your way, or even when you are unsure of what the future holds around your life, family, or mental or physical health. Complicated grief happens when the pain of a loss sticks around and feels intense for a long period of time, making it difficult to go back to everyday life. While everyone grieves at their own pace, sometimes the weight of the loss becomes so overwhelming that extra support is needed. This is where therapy can offer some great help, especially in the face of something that can feel so heavy and overwhelming.
Another type of grief is disenfranchised grief, which happens when a person's loss isn't fully recognized or validated by others. This might happen after the loss of a pet, the end of a significant relationship, infertility, loss of faith or a religious community, or another experience that people around them don't seem to understand. Someone might feel like they have to hide their grief or "get over it" quickly because others don't recognize the depth of their loss. Often disenfranchised grief is misunderstood by others and is a very personal experience, which can sometimes make people feel like they are alone in it.
Collective grief is experienced by groups or communities after events like natural disasters, acts of violence, or widespread tragedies. In these situations, people may find comfort in knowing they are grieving alongside others, even though each person's experience is unique. Some examples of collective grief are systemic racism, mistreatment of marginalized communities by people in power, war, mass illness or disease, or loss of a community leader.
Individuals can also experience delayed grief, where emotions don't surface until weeks, months, or even years after a loss. This often happens when someone has to focus on immediate responsibilities or survival before they have the space to process what happened. This can be common in the first few years of the loss of a loved one. For example, immediately following the death of a loved one, a person experiences all of the “firsts” without them (first holiday without them, first birthday they are not here for, first time they will not be at the family gathering, etc). Because this is so new and people are often just trying to make it through, the second or third year after a death can sometimes feel harder because the initial “firsts” have passed and the weight of the loss can sink in even more.
Others may experience cumulative grief, where several losses happen close together, making it difficult to fully process each one before another occurs. These experiences can leave people feeling emotionally exhausted, and that's a normal response! Someone might lose a job in January, experience a breakup in March, and learn they have a chronic condition in April, leaving them reeling and trying to process so many heavy things at once.
No matter what type of grief someone is experiencing, it's important to remember that grief isn't a problem to solve or something that follows a timeline. Grief comes in waves. Some days may feel manageable, while others can bring unexpected emotions triggered by a memory, anniversary, or even something as simple as a familiar song. Healing doesn't mean forgetting the person, relationship, or experience that was lost. Instead, it often means learning how to carry that loss while continuing to live a meaningful life (which we know is a lot easier said than done sometimes!).
Therapy can be a valuable source of support during the grieving process. A therapist provides a safe, nonjudgmental space where people can talk openly about their emotions without feeling like they're burdening others. Many people worry they're grieving "wrong" or taking too long, but therapy helps normalize the wide range of emotions that grief can bring. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion, and even moments of happiness can all exist together, and none of these feelings make someone a “bad person.”
Therapy can also help people develop healthy coping strategies, process difficult memories, and adjust to life after a significant loss. Depending on a person's needs, therapy might focus on managing anxiety or depression that has developed alongside grief, strengthening support systems, or finding new ways to honor what has been lost while moving forward. The goal isn't to erase grief but to make it feel more manageable over time.
Grief is a natural response to loss because we care deeply about the people, places, and experiences that matter to us. While it can feel isolating, grief is something all humans share in one form or another. There is no perfect way to grieve, no deadline for healing, and no need to face it alone. Whether support comes from friends, family, a community, a faith leader, or a therapist, reaching out is a sign of strength! It’s possible to heal while also honoring the losses that have impacted you and shaped your life experiences.