Encouragement for Caregivers

Maybe you saw it coming. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you thought it would be years before you were in this position, before you had to make so many difficult decisions. Being a caregiver is a beautiful, agonizing role that requires much of us. It launches us into new situations daily, keeping us wondering what might happen next for our loved one and for us.

Whether you are a caregiver for a parent, child, sibling, or someone else, you know how much goes into making sure things run smoothly. You’ve become an expert in multi-tasking.

You schedule appointments, administer meds, give shots, wrap up bandages, push wheelchairs, tie shoes, gently wash hair...

You make phone calls about medicine, bills, and even more appointments that you need to organize around the previously scheduled ones. You keep the other family members in the loop.

You are constantly ensuring the environment is safe for your loved one - nothing to trip on, nothing sharp or dangerous, double-checking to make sure the stove is off and the rug has been removed to avoid falls.

You watch for bruises, bedsores, scratches, and lesions. You prepare the appropriate food based on the needs of the individual you are caring for. You wash dishes, dust counters, tuck your loved one in for a nap and then make sure to wake them up in the right amount of time.

And most times you do this while also taking care of your own responsibilities, health, mental well-being, and family.

The list could go on and on.

The work is never quite done.

But the load can feel a little lighter when you reflect on a few things.

The role of a caregiver is sacred. It takes a tender, yet focused person to be a caregiver. This kind of work cannot be rushed; it cannot be half-assed. And you understand this. You embody this. Your heart for connection and deep care for others comes out in your work and in your actions. There is a transcendent quality that arises when you answer the call to serve another human in this way. It is intimate. It is tiring. It is frustrating. It is holy. All of these things can be true. Something in you recognizes the profound dignity in another and it takes a generous spirit to engage in this ongoing care.

You are allowed to feel, too. Often, as a caregiver, you see someone you care about in vulnerable, difficult, and life-altering scenarios. You see the subtle ways time continues to take and take and take. You may be watching your loved one’s physical or mental wellbeing be ravaged by disease, treatment, or age. It is okay to say you are devastated. It’s okay to acknowledge the anger that bubbles up in you. It’s okay to not know what you feel. As a caregiver, you know all too well how often your own feelings and needs get attended to last. And sometimes this is no one’s fault or intention, it’s simply one of the side effects of loving another with everything you have. But remember to hold space for you, too. You are also worthy of love, care, downtime, and support. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to have needs.

You are doing your best. Rest in knowing that you are giving what you can, how you can, when you can. Your best might look different from day to day based on your capacity. If you find you are putting pressure on yourself to do everything “perfectly”, you gotta try and release that. You are already carrying so much - you don’t need the weight of unrealistic expectations hanging on your back. Being a caregiver means being flexible. It means knowing how to adapt and bend and adjust when things don’t go as planned. You are incredibly capable no matter what comes your way. You might not always see it, but you are doing the best you can and there is a freedom that comes with acknowledging this.

Dear caregiver, may you feel encouraged, uplifted, and inspired to continue on the path of serving another with great heart. Your long days and sleepless nights do not go unnoticed. The heaviness that lies under your skin and hovers in your mind is not for nothing. Your grief, anger, pain, exhaustion, despair, and uncertainty are valid, and yet may your heart remain soft and open to moments of connection, tenderness, and profound peace. Let this be a reminder to you that we are all in it one day at a time and that even though one day can hold so much, so can you. You are supported. You are appreciated. You are needed. And whatever challenges lie ahead, you will make it through.