Cultivating Gratitude (Even When it feels Impossible)
Ah, yes - gratitude. We’ve heard the word a lot, especially this time of year. We’re told we should say small thank you’s for life’s gifts and try to find the ways things have been good. But what if we feel things haven’t been good? What if things have felt really, really hard? What’s the point of gratitude then… when life seems to be falling apart and chaos awaits around every corner?
This, my friend, is exactly where gratitude can pack the most punch - in the pain. The grief. The silence of sadness. You see, practicing gratitude is like having hope on speed-dial. One second of tapping-in can make a world of difference. When we create space for connecting with what truly matters to us, we allow hope to bloom. We open ourselves even just a little bit to embracing our own terrifyingly beautiful experience as a human being. And for our skeptics out there (I’ve been one, too!) gratitude is not about ignoring your pain or problems or acting like all is right in your world. It is about encouraging ourselves to acknowledge our circumstances without judgement. Finding the good increases our resilience and restores our sense of purpose.
In addition to the ways gratitude can change our perspective, it can also impact our relationships with others. When we express our gratitude for others, it can lead to strengthened relationships, deeper trust, and a bolstered sense of connection. Paying attention to the goodness in our relationships is a great place to start when trying to cultivate gratitude. Think of someone in your life who makes you laugh or smile. For me, it’s my sisters. Even writing this, I have a smile on my face. They crack me up and bring out my goofy side, even when I want to hide from the world. I am so grateful for the ways they show up for me, even if it’s just sitting in much-needed silence together. Now, make it a point to tell that person you’re glad to have them in your life! Connection with others is one of our most powerful tools to combat depression, fear, and hopelessness.
Practicing gratitude does not have to be a grand, imposing task. It often begins in the small, desperate spark within us that wants to see a glimpse of light despite all the darkness that engulfs us. When life feels that way, it may feel inauthentic to create a big list of gratitudes. Instead, start with tiny, comforting things. Some examples might be:
“This blanket is soft on my hands.”
“The smell of my coffee is filling the room.”
“I made it through another minute.”
“My cat is cute.”
Life can feel heavy at times—moments when everything seems to crumble, and it feels like you’re standing at rock bottom with no clear way out. During these times, even the smallest tasks can feel impossible, and hope can seem out of reach. But even in those darkest moments, a tiny light often remains. With time, self-compassion, and patience, that light can grow stronger, guiding you toward a renewed sense of self and hope!
Even when we feel deflated or empty, the simplest things can hold surprising power to steady us and get us back up on our feet. Small moments can gently remind us that not everything is lost to the chaos and uncertainty of our painful experiences. Simplicity has a way of bringing us home to ourselves, grounding us in what is real and present. When life feels exhausting and rough, returning to these simple acts can create space for peace and clarity, allowing hope to grow, one “small” moment at a time.
Gratitude may feel small. It may feel insignificant or pointless, especially when you feel smothered in pain and hurt. Each simple act of practicing gratitude, no matter how “small”, is a way of telling ourselves that we’re still here! We have made it this far and we can keep going, even if it is at a snail’s pace. Slow is still moving forward and still making it.
And here’s a tip: You don’t have to feel grateful to start. If we waited until the feeling came, we might be waiting for a while! Just notice the things around you. The light. The breath going in and out of your lungs. The feeling of sitting down or standing up. How your shirt feels on your skin. Mini moments of gratitude are just as powerful as “big” ones. If you find yourself getting stuck, spiraling because you can’t think of anything recent, think of a good memory and focus on that! Some other ideas to grow your practice are:
Start a gratitude journal, writing a few things down each day
Share three things that made you smile with a friend
Write down gratitudes on slips of paper and keep them in a jar (bonus fun moment - read them all at the end of the year!)
Write a thank you note to someone
Take one picture each day of something you found joy in
Meditate on what gratitude means to you
Make a gratitude playlist
While the process of cultivating gratitude can be tough, it can also be deeply rewarding. Challenge yourself to think of it not as forcing positivity, but as holding space for both life’s roses and thorns. When we choose to see the beauty in the mundane, in the things that feel cracked, it paves the way for acknowledging the abundance of goodness that surrounds us daily.
At its core, gratitude is awareness. It has the power to move us to humility, to recognition of what and who we are in the present moment. Gratitude prompts our hearts to respond to the inner whisper that “this moment is enough”, that “you are enough.” Sometimes our souls need to be reminded that we do not always have to be hustling for the next thing or going 100mph. Recognizing the beauty in our lives turns us inward, rather than keeping our focus on what we don’t have. It replaces the fear-based mindset of scarcity with one of grateful abundance and remembrance. A special kind of groundedness sprouts from the stillness of being present with ourselves just as we are.
Additional Resources:
Tips for Starting A Gratitude Journal: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_journal
Gratitude App: https://www.gratefulness.me/
The Science of Gratitude: https://www.mindful.org/the-science-of-gratitude/
Thankfulness: How Gratitude Can Help Your Health: https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/mental-health-and-wellbeing/thankfulness-how-gratitude-can-help-your-health